


Not Quite Like Before

by driftingashes



Series: Quarantine Fics Because I Have No Inspiration [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort Food, Conflict Resolution, Fluff and Angst, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Making Up, Pancakes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftingashes/pseuds/driftingashes
Summary: ...but enough to start again.Or, Virgil and Janus have a much needed conversation the night after the SVS Redux episode is posted, and neither of them are looking forward to it.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Quarantine Fics Because I Have No Inspiration [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021543
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	Not Quite Like Before

He really needed to stop drinking so much water right before bed. But being up at midnight to go to the bathroom was the only reason he was close enough to the kitchen to hear as one if the others dropped a cup in the sink. He wouldn’t have heard it otherwise, the crash and cursing that followed would have been drowned out by his music.

He crept down the stairs and peered over the banister into the kitchen, squinting through the low light to try and see into the room below. "Hello? Pat, is that you? Little late for a snack, don't you think?" The noises stopped abruply, and Virgil frowned, inching down the stairs. "Hello?"

There was a woosh as whoever was in the kitchen sank out, leaving the light on and (judging by the glow) the fridge half open. Virgil sighed. "Probably Remus going through the moldy shit in the back," he muttered.

Not quite right. He closed the fridge and moved to flick off the light, but paused at the sight of the hat sitting on the counter. "Deceit?" he asked.

The Side had probably gone back to his room. Virgil picked up the hat and turned the kitchen light off. "I'm going to regret this," he muttered, focusing on the other mindscape and sinking out.

Deceit's room was just as overbearingly warm as he remembered. Deceit himself was sitting on the bed, staring at Virgil with a startled look on his face.

Virgil held up the hat awkwardly. "Next time at least close the fridge and turn the light off," he grumbled. "Take all the food you want, it restocks every night anyways."

Deceit nodded, gingerly taking his hat when Virgil held it out again. "Thank you," he said cautiously.

Virgil shrugged. "Whatever." He made to leave, but yet again paused. "Can I sit down?" he finally asked. "I...think we're overdue for a conversation. About...well, everything." When Deceit nodded, he sat on the edge of the chair behind him and unzipped his hoodie.

"Where do we start?" Deceit asked, his usual bravado gone, fidgeting with the rim of his hat for a moment before shoving it back on his head. "A lot has happened since the last time we spoke civilly to each other."

"That's mostly my fault," Virgil admitted. De-"

"You can use my name. I…I told them," Deceit interjected.

Virgil blinked, a grin spreading across his face. "How did that go?" At Janus's wince, Virgil growled. "Roman laughed, didn't he?"

Janus nodded. "But then I compared him to Remus, so...you know. I wasn't exactly the nice guy either."

"But he fucking made fun of your name, didn't he? Did he call you a girl?"

"Middle school librarian, actually," Janus corrected with a wry smile. Virgil snorted.

"The audacity. Stereotyping librarians."

That got a genuine laugh out of Janus, and Virgil grinned at that small victory.

The energy in the room had instantly shifted from strained and awkward to something warmer.

”So,” Virgil said, grinning.

Janus returned the smile. “So.”

”Wanna make pancakes?”

”Of course.”  
  


Virgil stifled a giggle as Janus bit into a pancake, leaving a dab of peanut butter on his nose. “You have a...no, left. There.”

”Thanks.”

Janus cleared his throat, setting down his fork. “So...about the video. What happened?”

”What do you mean? I wasn’t there,” Virgil reminded him, and Janus nodded.

”Exactly. All that tension and anxiety and conflict would have been right up your alley, you should have showed up in the first ten minutes of the video. Where were you?”

Virgil winced, looking away. “I really don’t think Thomas wants to see me right now,” he said, shrugging. “Not now that he knows what he does.”

Janus snorted. “So you weren’t always a Light Side, so what? He accepted me and tolerated Remus, didn’t he?”

”He _barely_ tolerated Remus, Jan, and you were honest from the beginning about not being a Core Side,” Virgil reminded him. “Thomas was never under the impression that you were anything but one of the Others.”

”But you’ve proved yourself to him a million times over by now. And you’ve changed, Virgil. You’re helping Thomas and are willing to work with then other Core Sides to assist Thomas in being a better person and making the right decisions.”

Virgil laughed bitterly, shocking Janus into silence. “But you didn't see his face when I told him who I used to be. Who I still am.”

”Who you _used_ to be doesn’t define you _now_ , Virgil. _You_ decide who you are,” Janus said firmly. “You’re not the same anxiety who used to hinder Thomas and scare him for fun. You make him anxious about the right things, remind him that there are things that he has to be scared of in life. He can’t go through life without any anxiety at all, he’d be a bumbling idiot.”

Virgil didn’t respond, so Janus pushed on, trying to drive his point home. “You never belonged with us anyways, Virgil. You’ve always been meant for more, I could feel it. I was so proud when you decided to start trying to help Thomas and joined in the episodes. And no matter how they treated you, you still kept showing up, trying again and again to find a way to show them you could be good for Thomas just like them.”

”But you _didn’t see his face_ , Janus,” Virgil repeated angrily, finally meeting Janus’s eyes again, blinking back tears. “He looked so...betrayed and disappointed and lost, and...it was because of me. Because I lied to him.”

”You didn’t lie, you just never said anything because jo one asked and it wasn’t important information when you first showed up,” Janus said.

”Lie of omission!” Virgil snapped, and Janus sighed.

”Alright, I’ll give you that one, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that Thomas now hates you for never telling him about which side of the mindscape you were on before you started interrupting their filming. He might have just needed time to process everything. He had just been introduced to Remus, I would be more worried if he was still his usual self after over half an hour of nothing but undiluted Remus.”

Virgil laughed at that, quiet and a little hesitant, but still a laugh. Small victories.

”I guess maybe you’re right,” he said. “Do you think I should talk to him?”

”It would be a good idea at some point, yes. You can’t avoid him forever.”

”I could try,” Virgil said, nudging Janus with his elbow and grinning.

”You could,” Janus agreed. “But would you succeed?”

Virgil pursed his lips. “I don’t think I could ever stay away from Thomas. He means too much to me. But I can keep my distance. As long as I keep functioning as his anxiety, he doesn’t actually have to ever see me for me to do my job.”

”But you disappearing would worry him and he would be more anxious. Which means you working overtime, which puts Thomas on edge, which would worsen his condition and make him more anxious, meaning you work overtime.”

”Janus...-“

”And now we’re stuck in an endless loop, which would just end up hurting both Thomas _and_ you,” Janus pointed out, sticking another bite of peanut butter covered pancake into his mouth and pointing at Virgil with his fork to emphasize his point. “What part of that sounds at all beneficial for either of you?”

”None of it, but-“

”No buts. Go talk to Thomas. It’ll make both of you feel a lot better, I promise. He misses you.”

”How do you know?”

”Because he thinks you hate him,” Janus explained simply. “Since I know you don’t hate Thomas, I can feel the lie from here.”

Virgil swallowed heavily. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

Janus smiled at him. “Good luck.”

”Thanks, Jan.”

”Anytime.”


End file.
